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eververdant's avatar

I think about this a lot living in a city (Boston) where formalities seem to be pruned just enough for people to get by — making eye contact or having casual conversation with strangers seem like they're customs reserved for transactional exchanges. If someone makes small talk with me on the train, I subconsciously expect to be asked for something.

The fact that manners are optional in social interactions is part of why they matter — you don't have to put in the effort to speak politely or dress formally and you don't have to develop the self-discipline to restrain your impulses, but the fact that you do suggests that you believe the situation you're in is important enough to go beyond the bare necessity of the social interaction.

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David A. Westbrook's avatar

Nicely done. It seems to me that the desire for authenticity bespeaks its lack in many contemporary circumstances. Members of the middling and upper classes in mass society are not particularly marked by their circumstances. (Contrast a peasant, or a priest, in traditional societies -- it would be ridiculous to say "I'm an authentic peasant.") But in the contemporary, the individual is free, even encouraged, to be whatever s/he wants to be. That's what college is for! And we may dress, or buy cars, with this or that identity. Maybe there is an authenticity -- I really do want you to see me as an urban warrior, or a hard working farmer -- but it is faint, a kind of thin cosplay. But we have to be something, don't we?

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